I want you to sit back and think for a moment: Imagine a situation where you could have power, but you step aside and let others take it from you instead. Can you think of anything? How often do you think that you hand over your "power" to others on a proverbial silver platter? In this blog post, I'd like to show you how giving your power away is not only bad, but can also be a sign of weakness.
Amy Morin, the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do, started her chapter on this with a quote by Dale Carnegie:
"When we hate our enemies, we are giving them power over us: Power over our sleep, our appetites, our blood pressure, our health, and our happiness."
There are many ways to give your power to someone else, but let's see a short list of examples (p. 38-39):
being offended by criticism or negative feedback
other people have the ability to make you angry and/or do things you later regret
you changed your goals based on what people told you to do
your day depends on how others behave
when people try to guilt you, it works
your self-worth depends on how others perceive you
you complain about people and circumstances you don't like (or even the things you have to do in life!)
you avoid uncomfortable emotions
you struggle to set boundaries but resent those who cross barriers you haven't set
you hold grudges
Morin (2017) summarizes this list with the following comment: "Retaining your power is about being confident in who you are and the choices you make, despite the people around you and the circumstances you're in" (p. 37). And the truth is there are many reasons we do this, whether it's because we want to be nice, we aren't good at setting boundaries, or we aren't good at saying no, we end up falling into the trap of giving away what's rightfully ours.
As a member of the situation, you rightfully have a bit of influence on that situation. This may not be much—or it may be a lot—but the point is, you have it. Through things like what I just mentioned above, you give away that influence and the situation often will feel like it's out of your control—and it is! Because you gave away your control, however miniscule, of what happens.
Not only do you lose control, but you also lose energy worrying about the situation. If you didn't say no to something you should've said no to, how long are you going to fret over having to go to that event or do this thing when you really don't have the time? If you're being too nice, how many toxic people are going to hurt you as you keep going through life? Yes, perhaps it happens to everyone, but you don't have to open yourself up to more of the same.
Morin (2017) listed off quite a few problems with giving away your power, including (p. 39-40):
You depend on others to regulate your feelings
You let others define your self-worth
You avoid addressing the real problem
You become a victim of your circumstances
You become highly sensitive to criticism
You lose sight of your goals
You ruin relationships
Now, I don't have time to flesh all these out, but I'm sure you can imagine situations for most, if not all, of these points. And what I want to finish off with here is that you have the ability to take back your power, or at the very least, not give it away in the first place. But the first step is to be aware that you may be guilty of this. For more ideas of how to fix this "issue," I'd highly recommend getting Amy Morin's book, whether from your library or buying it or whatever. It's up to you, just please read it if you want to get better at this. There's so much that I have to say about it and I can't fit it all in a bunch of blog posts.
All rambling aside, that's all I've got for today. Thank you for reading, Warriors! God bless and have a lovely day!
Reference:
Morin, A. (2017). 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do: Take Back Your Power, Embrace Change, Face Your Fears, And Train Your Brain For Happiness And Success. W. Morrow.