Autism Spectrum Disorder 101: The Truths Vs. The Lies

There are so many misconceptions that go around about autistics, many of which prevent us from being recognized as able-minded people who are capable of many things and instead frame us as "idiots." In reality, no autistic is truly an idiot, just our minds are wired so differently that we aren't always able to communicate the same way that "normal" people do, giving the illusion that we're "retarded." (I hate how people use this word, but unfortunately, it is used.)

Some things you may have been told about autistics is that they're usually male, that they're "unusually quirky" and are just weirdos, that they don't have meltdowns, that they're only a little bit socially awkward, and that they can do better if they just "try a little harder." These are all lies. And rather hurtful ones at that.

For those female autistics out there, I see you. And I will stand by you as a fellow female autistic as I state firmly: Female autistics are just as common as males. The reason why you don't see as many female autistics is that we show the symptoms in different ways. Girls are also more likely to learn how to mask well enough that people don't notice—at least not without looking hard for it.

Autistics can be a bit random, a but quirky, and we can be weird, but that's not who we are as a person. Our autism is a part of us, but it's not who we are. We are more than our labels. We may be socially awkward, but we may be trying our very best to be as little socially awkward as possible. If we weren't trying, imagine how much worse it could be.

We're always trying. We have to fit in with the allistics (non-autistics). We constantly have to tolerate things that are annoying, painful, and/or triggering to us and if we speak up about them, we get talked over or told we're "too whiny," "too rigid." They tell us we aren't trying hard enough to just deal with it.

We do have meltdowns, because when we try so hard to tolerate everything that pains us, we break. The meltdown comes and we lose control and then we seem more annoying because we're a toddler-like crumpled form of tears and snot and misery. Everyone's meltdown is different but common "symptoms" are:

- crumpling to the ground

- any sort of shrieking, sobbing, whining, whimpering, etc.

- tears

- body losing any sort of coordination

- losing control of yourself or just feeling like you aren't in control

- dissociating / mentally withdrawing

- sensory issues flaring (if you have them)

- struggling to communicate or losing the ability to communicate

People call us many things because they don't understand us. They call us lazy, they call us idiots, they call us misunderstood—and the truth is, they aren't always incorrect. We're just as inclined to laziness as any other person, but we aren't dumb because we're autistic. We're misunderstood because of our autism and people don't understand how we could possibly be smart when we can't figure out how to function the way "normal" people do.

"Autistics are only a little bit socially awkward."

No offense to any autistics out there, but most of us are really socially awkward, just often it's not noticed because we're trying our hardest to be social or to fit in. But if you looked, you might notice a bit of a disconnect between our words and our actions at times. You might see our "act" fall when we aren't sure what expression we're supposed to make during a certain situation. We aren't social geniuses; we try to learn the things that others inherently know, but we're really awkward as we try to mimic it. You can't mimic something and have it seem as natural as it might on another person.

In the same vein, though, it's not easy for us to mask. Sometimes people might say, "well, if you just try a little bit harder, you could fit in more." But how much do they think we're trying? We're faking expressions for so long every single day. Why don't you try to hold up a smile on your face when you go through your day, try to see how many times that smile falls because you forgot to smile or because something bad happened and you just don't feel happy anymore. You have to fake it when you aren't feeling it.

We're always faking it, and that is absolutely exhausting.

Or how about this situation: We ask what's happening next and people just shrug and say there's no real plan. Or they might say, "Why does it matter?" Sometimes people will prevent us from knowing what the plans are because they think knowing will stress us out. In reality, it's the not knowing that makes everything so hard. We need to know so that we can mentally prepare ourselves. Yes, we might dread the social interaction, the imminent masking, the sensory stress, among other things, but we'd rather know than "oh by the way, we need to leave in 15 minutes, could you get on socks and sneakers and come help me pack your lunch in the kitchen? We're going to meet up with one of your friends at the park for a bit." INSTANT. PANIC.

Please, please, please do not do this to an autistic. Or even anyone. I see no reason for this to be okay or acceptable in any way. Because not only is the person now stressed but they may be full-on paralyzed and now cannot coordinate themselves enough to get on socks and sneakers within 15 minutes, much less help you with packing a lunch.

By no means are these all the truths about autistics. Nor have I included all the lies that I've heard, but I tried to touch on the major ones that I hear the most.

You guys, autistics are humans. We have feelings. We try our best, but we can't be neurotypical; that's not who we are. We are autistic, and maybe you see it as a disadvantage but you wouldn't treat a person with a bad foot as someone who couldn't fend for themselves, would you? They need extra support when it comes to certain areas, but they aren't entirely incapable. Everyone has their own disadvantages. This isn't only an autistic issue.

Autistics are different. You're different than I am. I'm not the same as the next person I talk to as I go through life. That's how humanity works. None of us are the same. We're all quirky and strange and need to be accepted as an individual in our own right.

And all autistics who are reading this... please tell me if I said something a little off, because there's no way for me to catch all my mistakes. But also, you are seen. You are so seen. Hang in there. You've got this.