Depression 101: On The Surface

Everything looks different when you're comparing internal verses external. The way we show love isn't the same as the feeling you get when you love a person just so so much. Similarly, the way that you express depression isn't the same as you feel it inside.

Depression is a very internal thing. It's hard to express depression through anything other than sullenness, lack of motivation, and withdrawing from everything. And most of the time, people don't seem to notice when you're taking a step back from things for depression reasons. They chalk it up to something else. "You're fine."

Chances are, you aren't fine.

Each person with depression experiences it a little different, they show it a little different, and they conceal it to different extents. No depression is the same as another.

Many of us have heard the terms "high-functioning" and "low-functioning," I'm sure, and while I personally strongly dislike the term, I'm using it here for the sake of an example.

I've met plenty of people with depression, but some people look so happy and fine on the outside and others are sullen, withdrawn, barely speaking to me. The difference between these is that different people function differently with their depression. Some people conceal it and on the outside they look fine, but they're buried under their depression on the inside. Other people either don't bother to hide it or it's too much for them to hide.

The people who can conceal it can sometimes be called a person with "high-functioning depression." And those who can't conceal it may be likewise addressed as someone with "low-functioning depression." This does not reflect on the strength of the person as a whole. It has to do with how depressed they are and how well they can handle it. If they're already trying to handle a million things, they might not be able to take just one more thing, especially not something as heavy as depression. Whereas someone else might be able to handle it better because they have more support or they don't have as much else to do.

One thing that those with "high-functioning depression" will do is just pretend they aren't depressed. The following are fairly common things for them to do:

- They'll keep going through their life as if they don't feel empty and achy inside

- They may pretend they don't feel disconnected, numb, or worthless

- They push and push and push, to the point where they've surpassed their limit, all to try to counteract their lack of self-worth

- They feel lonely or hopeless when alone

- They dissociate

- They avoid sharing any sort of emotional relation and try to avoid sharing their true self

- They fear being seen for who they really are

- They struggle to feel connected to others in almost any sense

- They're perfectionists

- They hide their addictions that they use to try to manage the deep-seated emptiness

- They feel that they're at war with themselves

- They may feel completely unworthy of life

- They injure themselves in ways that nobody can easily notice (e.g., purposeful sleep-deprivation, lack of adequate water intake)

I'm not saying that everyone with depression does all of these. I will never say that a person who is "low-functioning" one day won't be "high-functioning" the next day. It's not fair of me to say that everyone goes through this, everyone deals with every single one of these points, because the truth is, they don't.

Some people, when they're depressed, still want to live. Maybe it's defiance, but they aren't ready to give up.

Some people take care of themselves more, almost obsessively, because maybe if they ate a little healthier, had a bit of a cleaner lifestyle, things would get better.

Maybe if I just did a little bit more.

Maybe if I just kept it to myself.

Maybe I'm just crazy.

What I've seen and what I've experienced all leads to the same conclusion: None of these help. If you're thinking that the problem is you as a person, that's wrong. Your mind is struggling and it needs help, but you as a whole are not the issue. You are still wonderful.

Yes, our diets play into how we feel, but don't blame it only on your food. Have you changed anything recently? No? It's probably not your food.

Don't deprive yourself of the necessities, friends. Because you can get addicted to the pain and then it's even harder to stop. You can literally run yourself into the ground.

Depression is a mental condition that affects so many people. Every single day, people suffer from this all over the world. Some people keep quiet about it while others speak up. Some get abused for it while others still are comforted and supported through it.

Everyone's situation is different. Everyone's depression is different. It's hard, whether you're on the outside or on the inside. But that doesn't mean it doesn't matter.

There are people struggling with this everywhere. At your school, at your work, down the street from you, in one of the houses you just passed while driving along, minding your own business. Some of those people never had anyone who supported them through it.

Depression isn't a faith issue. It's not because your faith isn't strong enough. It means your mind is sick and it needs help. There are chemicals involved, feelings that seem to permeate every bit of your being, and every time someone tells you it's your own fault, it's not going to help.

Don't drag someone down. It's not their fault. They're trying. Help them swim if you can. Reach out your hand, even if you aren't sure if you can bring them to shore alone. Just be the person who's willing to try.

And remember, not everything's as it seems on the surface.