Everything had gone quiet despite the volume of the people around her. Nothing mattered more at that moment than the message on her screen. She knew that number. Where was it from again? She strained her memory, trying to remember where she had seen it. The messager knew her; they had used her name, asking to catch up. She racked her brain, thinking about all the people whose numbers she had deleted.
The idea of checking her notes popped into her mind. It can't be him. He deleted my number. He wouldn't text me now, would he? After ignoring me for months on end. Her suspicions were correct. It was him...
Her stomach sank as she stared at the message. He had been thinking about her. In what ways? She'd been thinking about him, too, in less... desirable ways. He had damaged her. Broken her and left her without apologizing. She hated him. And he decided to text her now. I hope he never forgave himself for what he did.
The panic flared up as the outside noise turned into a dull buzz. She couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in. Hyperaware of everything, she felt the music vibrations, the air's thickness, and the fabric of her clothes brushing against her skin. She felt someone looking at her.
"Are you OK?"
She didn't respond.
"Joy?"
She merely looked at the person next to her. It was Lewis. He was a safe person. He was okay. She shook her head as the tears welled up. This isn't happening. This is just a dream. She looked at the message again and knew this was reality. Oh, how she wished this was a dream.
"Do you need to leave?" She nodded, too consumed by the panic to form a response. She needed to call her therapist. Her dad. She needed to breathe.
After some confusion on leaving the crowded room and some explaining, she found her way to a small area outside. Away from the people and away from the noise. It was quiet enough for her to think finally. Lewis sat silently next to her, giving her space. She couldn't explain how grateful she was for him to stick next to her and support her.
She sent a text to her therapist and called her dad. He talked her through her initial panic and gave his word of advice.
"I'd just block him. After everything he did, he has no right just barging into your life like that. You don't need to give him the time of day and respond. Just flat-out block him," her dad explained. The bar was on the floor, but he still somehow couldn't reach it.
After he instructed her on how to handle the situation, her dad checked in again to make sure everything was okay and reminded her he loved her before he hung up.
She looked at Lewis and gave him a small smile before she turned back to her phone and blocked the number.
He's gone. He can't reach me anymore. I'm free.
This was it. This was a small step towards healing, but it was a start.
***
Feral Rat Anthem, Hospital Bracelet
Estimated Time of Memory: June 2023
Genre: Pop punk
Potential Triggers: frequent cursing, implied abuse
Favorite Lyric: "I really hope you learn to never forgive yourself because everyone knows you're a lying cheat and I hope you're always feeling incomplete..."