Genre: Memoir
Page Count: 225+
Published: 2015 (Penguin Books)
Potential Triggers: Suicidal Ideation, Mentions the Genitals, Intrusive Thoughts, Cursing, Panicked Thoughts, Drunkenness/Drinking, Talk of Sex,
Mental Health Topics: Depression, Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Reasons to Stay Alive is a dark book. A beautiful book—yes—but also a dark book. It's quite literally a memoir of someone's battle with depression throughout their life, so it goes into some dark topics like suicidal ideation, gruesome thoughts about life and other things, and also the kind of terror that only comes when you know you're on the brink of death and don't feel like you're in control.
Overall, I loved the style of this book. I love how it seems conversational and yet is still so impactful and I also love the formatting that they decided to use for it. The book is split into parts, which each have quotes, and the "chapters" are unnumbered. Instead, they have titles, which I think is really cool. It's not often that you see a book that does that so well, and they definitely pulled it off with this one.
That said, though, there's a difference between a memoir that's written like a story and a memoir that's simply recapping different sections of a person's life, and I believe this book falls closer to the latter than it does the former. It's still a memoir, but there's a form of choppiness that doesn't make the "story" of it seem as fluid as it would be in order for me to call it—quite simply—a story.
It's my favorite thing to open a book and find a story waiting for me. A true story, not some dry tale of someone's life. And while the choppiness does make it a bit faltering, there's a long story here that's essentially short stories telling a longer story, and somehow that makes this book all the more beautiful.
The author, Matt Haig, includes only the details that really mean something when he wrote this. So there are the ones where he had to battle through his depression and anxiety and OCD-like tendencies to do simple tasks like go to the store. But the reason why I don't mind being told about his adventure to the store is that he doesn't just gloss over them in a way such as, "I went to the store and got a loaf of bread and a jug of milk." He goes in detail about the kind of thoughts that were running through his head, the kind of people he remembers being there, and what he bought.
You really feel like you're seeing it happen, rather than just reading about it. It's a story in itself, a mini-adventure. And it's peaceful and yet full of conflict at the same time.
It's beautiful books like this one that really make me feel seen in the world. Because Matt Haig summed up anxiety and depression and even the OCD-tendencies really well. He explained what it's like to be in that position—to be that person who has to live through that—and he shows how terrifying and painful it really is. That's one of the main reasons why I absolutely loved this book.
Reasons to Stay Alive is a tale of one man's journey. And while it was so so hard, that journey was a beautiful one indeed.