There's a lot of things that are said about sensory issues; there's much less things known about it. Many might say that "it's just a fear, they can get over it." Or maybe you've heard people talk about how "they're just doing it for the attention." The reality is that neither of these are remotely close to true.
People with sensory issues do not choose to struggle. For those of us with hypersensitivities, it literally can cause us pain. We can love an object, but at the same time, it hurts us. It’s too loud, too bright, too anything.
We aren’t just feeling pain without reason, either. Tests have shown that if a person is in an FMRI (a type of brain scan called functional magnetic resonance imaging) and you expose them to one of their (potentially many) sensory issues, their pain centers light up. We aren't making it up, we aren't looking to be cured, to be fixed. There is no cure. It's how our brain works.
It's a part of who we are.
When people say that sensory issues are about fear rather than about pain, it may as well be a punch in the gut to people with sensory issues. That's like saying you're just pretending to have a broken bone, so go and continue life like everything is fine. Walk on it, pick stuff up, do some stretches, it'll fix itself. It's fine.
We all know that broken bones don't exactly fix themselves with some careful stretching and all that's gonna do is make it worse.
After talking to one of my friends about it for a long time, she summarized what she learned from our talk as follows:
"I've learned that there are people who genuinely cannot handle hugs all the time (which is big and important for me because hugging people is secondary to breathing) and that asking actually helps a lot. I've learned to be more polite and gentle, and I actually ask a lot of people if they want a hug now, and I'm still kinda disappointed if they say no (mostly irl, not online tho), but I understand more of it now. (G. McBride)
But there's so much more than just hugging that we cannot tolerate. It can be things like metal on metal, high-pitched noises, certain kinds of music, beeping, different types of alarms, a type of voice tone, etc. Anything can set us off and each person has their own triggers. That's just how we are as people. The most important thing to keep in mind is how you treat those who struggle with sensory issues. Are you compassionate and try to understand, or are you dismissive?
"I think I've just learned a lot about being more considerate about other people." (G. McBride)
One of the hardest things I've had to deal with as a person with hypersensitivities is that people aren't going to understand. If I ask them to turn down the music, it isn’t until I begin crying that they realize that it hurt me. But what if I don't want to start crying? What if I'm trying to keep it together because "it's fine"?
"People who are overwhelmed often look fine. I always imagined that if people were feeling overwhelmed with sensory issues, they'd be huddled in a corner and crying or something. But I've seen you laughing and seeming fine, then found out later you were really stressed. I hadn't realized that it's very hard to tell if someone's struggling with sensory issues..." (Elizabeth M.)
You can't predict us. You can't just think, "oh, they're going to get overwhelmed by this but not this." We can't even predict ourselves half of the time. The truth is simply that it's an "adventure," and every day is going to be different. Some days things bother us, some days things don't. But our reactions can differ depending on the day and depending on what it is.
"Seemingly little things can feel like a very big deal. Like, the other day when you said you've cried because your room smelled wrong; I didn't realize such little things can be so dramatic." (Elizabeth M.)
We don't ask for those who know us to predict us. We don't ask for people to try to control the environment so we don't get set off—that's impossible—but we do ask that you be understanding.
Give us some time, give us some credit, and most of all, just try to keep an open mind. We're trying our best. We have to battle every day and we're tired. But we're trying for you. Please don't make that hard work a waste.