Song #1 - "Serotonin," girl in red

The window was cold under my cheek, allowing me to feel the chill that twilight brought as it settled over the highway. Headlights passed in bright flashes and street lamps shed half-hearted light over the greying asphalt.

Unflinchingly, I kept staring down the highway, unseeing and ignoring the lights that kept stinging my partially dark-adjusted eyes.

Around my ears was the pressure of my headphones, muting the music that filled the rest of the minivan and allowing me to hear my own music from my phone. Songs that I'd downloaded before leaving the house touched my ears, familiar songs fading into less familiar ones.

As word after word hit me, I stilled more and more.

"I'm running low on serotonin. Chemical imbalance got me twisting things..."

I waited, breath catching as I listened to what the singer had to say. Maybe someone knows; perhaps they understand what it's like to live like this.

Lights kept flashing by and the rest of the people in the van left me alone, oblivious to the thoughts that swirled inside of me.

"Dig deep, can't hide from the corners of my mind. I'm terrified of what's inside..."

Tears pressed at my eyes but I didn't move, an ache in my chest building until it hurt. By no means was it comfortable but it was a welcome relief from the emptiness I was used to.

The fading colors of the sunset marbled together in the sky above me, fading as shadowed clouds covered them. The sight was the exact opposite of the feeling inside of me.

Slowly, the song faded to an end and the numbness crept back in again, stealing away the ache and leaving me feel heavy-laden and useless. Slumping against the window a little bit more, I picked up my phone, slowly hitting the rewind button.

All over again, the song played, gently taking away the familiar feelings and replacing them with faint relief.

Pressing my forehead against the window, my eyes fluttered shut, the music washing over me and taking me away from where I was.

I'm running low on serotonin...

***

Serotonin, girl in red

Estimated Time of Memory: Winter/Early Spring 2022

Genre: Pop

Potential Triggers: Intrusive thoughts, one curse, gets rather dark and a bit gruesome,

Favorite Lyrics: "My inner voice is saying 'tough,' so I try to brush it off."