Song #17 - "When She Cries," Britt Nicole

It was dark in my room. Dark, ominous, like the shadows held something worse than the thoughts in my mind. As if. I wasn’t scared of the shadows in my room. The worst ones were the ones inside of me. My demons.

There was pressure in my eyes. Tears, begging to be let free, but I stared up at the ceiling, trying to push away the thoughts, push away the pain.

“Daddy, why do you let this happen?” I whispered, wishing that He would answer me verbally. It wasn’t the first time I’d wished it and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

My eyes closed and a lump built in my throat, but I sucked in a long breath, pulling myself up. And into the dark, I let myself sing a song that I’d listened to time and time again, because it made me feel heard.

It was my song; it was the theme of my life in some ways.

“Every day’s the same, she fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray. She wonders ‘why?’ Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?”

My voice cracked as the tears pressed harder against my eyelids, the lump in my throat building and choking the words. Daddy, help me. Rolling over, I wrapped my arms around the nearest stuffed animal and hugged it tightly, curling up into a ball as tears dribbled down my cheeks.

Voice warbling and fading out periodically, I forced myself to keep singing, skipping parts of the song to get to the part that I focused on the most.

“She’ll be just fine, ‘cuz I know He hears when she cries.”

And as I repeated it, with no one awake to hear, I felt myself drifting off to sleep. The pain slowly faded away.

***

When She Cries, Britt Nicole

Estimated Time of Memory: repeated throughout childhood

Genre: Christian/Pop

Potential Triggers: Briefly goes over self harm & abuse

Favorite Lyrics: "Every day's the same. She fights to find her way. She hurts, she breaks, she hides and tries to pray. She wonders 'why?' Does anyone ever hear her when she cries?"