Song #21 - "Little Girl," Faith Marie

They want to talk to me. Me!

The exhilaration of being chosen over someone else was one that I didn’t know how to handle. It wanted to explode out of me in a series of happy squeaks and wiggles but I knew from experience that my ways of expressing happiness wasn’t “socially acceptable.” If I let myself be me, they’d run off again.

They smiled at me and my mind spun, words disappearing as I just felt all my lost hopes returning.

“Hi.” My shy and quiet reply was simple, nervous and shaky. Conversation skills weren’t exactly something I was known for.

“Hey, want to join us over there?” The girl who spoke gestured across the room to a rather large group and I felt the hope from a moment before fall into my stomach like a stone.

So many people…

My whole body stiffened, but I forced myself to smile. Don’t lose them. This is your only chance. They see you. Very few people often saw me.

“Sure.”

Dazedly, I followed them into the group, but the noises surrounded me like a heavy, staticky blanket, overwhelming and overloading me almost instantaneously. I felt myself starting to shut down, disconnecting as the rest of my body went on autonomously, faking it as I’d learned how to do.

I didn’t speak and nobody spoke to me. And I’d learned long ago that the best way to navigate social situations was to not speak unless I was spoken to. But maybe someday, maybe someday, I’d find my place.

Just keep trying. You’ll get there someday. Someday, you will find a place for you.

***

Little Girl, Faith Marie

Estimated Time of Memory: recurring

Genre: Pop

Potential Triggers: None

Favorite Lyric: "I don't have to think this body of mine is a prison. You don't control me! I just gotta find the light switch..."