I stood on the bridge looking down, my eyes dry but my heart heavy. It was a long way to fall, but it could be worth it.
What if it was?
"Maggie," they called behind me. "Come on!"
I turned, glancing at them as they messed around with whatever it was they had. Nothing was interesting to me anymore, but this wasn't the time or the place for the thoughts that were in my head.
If only that meant they would go.
But I didn't want to join their shenanigans, so I found myself sitting down on the wide railing to the bridge, dangling my legs off the side. Footsteps echoed behind me as the twilight dawned on us and I just studied the flowing water beneath me.
"You okay?" one of them asked, their voice echoing in my head like I wasn't entirely there.
"Yeah," I mumbled. "Fine. I just need a second."
I glanced back at them, at the cluster that was joking around as they stalled on the walking bridge. I glanced up at the stars that had begun to speckle the sky. Nothing seemed interesting anymore, and perhaps that was understandable but I'd never understood it. How I could be lonely in a crowded room, how I wasn't interested in shenanigans.
"We could just jump, you know," they said softly. "Test the waters."
The notion was tempting, but I shook my head. "Might not be deep enough."
"That's the point."
Swallowing hard, I glanced over, then back at it. "I don't know."
They patted my shoulder, turning and going back to the group. "Think about it. Lemme know if you want to go for a swim."
Nodding mutely, I looked back up at the stars, sighing into the chilling night air.
If all of my friends wanted to jump... would I?
***
Would I, Maggie Lindemann
Estimated Time of Memory: fictional
Genre: Pop
Potential Triggers: mentions drugs, suicidal ideation
Favorite Lyric: "If all of my friends wanted to jump, would I? Would I? If I could feel nothing, if I could be numb, would I? Would I?"