They don't need me.
The intruding thought was loud in my mind, nudging the already pressing tears out of my eyes. Slowly, the hot tears dribbled down my cheeks.
In a rush, I dashed them away, a spark of anger igniting within me before it fizzled out, disappearing into misery.
They really don't. The voice in my head was nicer this time—more convincing.
Hands shaking, I scrolled on my laptop, trying to distract myself. My headphones played music but I only half heard it, my mind and body growing more distant to each other by the moment.
"Hold on, I still want you."
More tears slipped free and my hands stilled as I shook, staring off. If only someone did. I checked my friends' contacts again, but nobody was online.
Nobody.
"Come back, I still need you."
A fake smile crossed my lips and I whispered, "I haven't gone anywhere." But I knew I had. There was a place where a person goes when they're hurting so deeply and it's so far within it may as well no longer be them.
"Let me take your hand, I'll make it right."
My teeth grit together and I returned to my aimless scrolling, unseeingly glancing past the endless pictures and posts. Nobody actually does that. It's all man for himself. I'm alone here. Alone.
I tried to skip the song but my shaking hands slipped on the keys and I hit the rewind button, starting the song over.
"...I can't imagine a world with you gone."
My whole body seemed to lose its strength and I went limp in my chair, tears slipping free with a new vengeance. My shoulders shook and I bent forward, hiding my face with my hair as tears continued to dribble down my cheeks.
Plop.
One large tear dribbled off my chin and onto my bare knees, warm for a moment before leaving a somewhat cold feeling as it slid off me and onto the chair I was curled up in.
"Can you hear me screaming, 'please, don't leave me'?"
My shoulders curled inward and just as I was about to become a little curled up ball on my chair, I got a message from a friend.
"Hey, girlie! Sorry I haven't been great at messaging lately. How're you doing? (I love youuuuuu)"
The faintest smile crossed my face despite my tears and my still-shaking hands settled on the keyboard, tapping out a response.
"Totally fine, luv. <3 Life happens. I've been doing pretty rough, but I'll be okay. How're you doing? (I love you too *smiles*)"
***
Hold On, Chord Overstreet Estimated Time of Memory: Spring 2021 Genre: Pop Potential Triggers: Hints at Suicide, Favorite Lyric: "Hold on, I still want you. Come back, I still need you. Let me take your hand, I'll make it right. I swear to love you all my life. Hold on, I still need you."