Pencil scratched on faded, crumpled paper, scratching out the creases and stretching them with words. Words that crawled over, creeped across, and darkened the paper until it was no longer just a meaningless piece of paper.
"To my younger self, I'm writing you from 2012. It's not high school that is killing me, it's my mental health..."
Gritting my teeth, I scribbled out the words. "That's so stupid," I muttered. I glanced back at the reminder text from my therapist.
Melissa - Don't forget to write a letter to your past self. I want you to go over it with me next session.
If there was one thing I hated worse than therapy homework, it was writing a letter to my younger self. Putting the two together made me want to...
Well, we won't finish that.
Staring down at the paper, I doodled idly in the margins. What do I even say?
Whispers of Melissa's voice spoke in my mind. "You could tell her things that you've learned since you were her age, you could tell her your hopes for the future, you could send her some encouragement—"
"That's stupid," I'd said. "It's not like she'll actually be able to use my advice. She doesn't care. She doesn't exist. I am who she became."
With a slightly placating smile, Melissa sat back in her chair, crossing her arms. "Humor me. I want you to try to write a letter to your younger self. Imagine that she's real, what would you say to her?"
The memory fading away, my pencil scratched along the paper.
"Wish there was something I could do to save you from what's coming. You might be a soldier but know your demons built an army. And they're taking over now, all I see through my tears is black. Tell Mom and Dad I love them but I have to go, no turning back."
My hands shook as I wrote the words, tears filling my eyes. And even as the sharp-edged memories slipped back in, wisdom gleaned from the pain washed over it.
"If I could tell you everything I know now, I'd tell you that the darkness always fades out. In the end, the light will emerge with no doubt. You just gotta keep going..."
***
Estimated Time of Memory: This one isn't a memory, but I wrote letters to myself back in November 2021
Genre: Pop
Potential Triggers: Wanting to Die, Hopelessness, Darkness,
Favorite Lyric: "If I could tell you everything I know now, I'd tell you that the darkness always fades out. In the end, the light will emerge with no doubt. You just gotta keep going, Baby, don't back down."