Her body shook, tremors taking control as the images swirled in her head.
I'm back. No, no, I said I'd never go back. I can't go back. I can't be back.
Her shoulders curved inwards as she curled into a ball, a sob escaping her before she bit her lip. "I was doing my best. Don't send send me back. Don't—"
You messed up. You told them. They thought you couldn't keep it together. Now you're trapped.
Again. Why am I always trapped?
She pulled her curled up body away from the wall and closer to her bed, looking towards the underneath. Tiny area to fit my tiny, broken body. Unfolding slightly, she wriggled underneath, body heaving with more sobs.
The dust from underneath the bed pressed onto her bare arms as she went deeper, the "safety" of the small space eliminated by the feeling of panic. The loss of control was within her; all her enemies were within her.
Get out. Stop talking. Leave me alone. What's you and what's me? I just—
If one could internally scream, that's what she managed. The shrill noise in her mind rattling everything loose—everything except for what she most wanted to get free.
Lodged within her was the voice that poked at every insecurity, every triggering memory, every fear she hadn't managed to get over.
I'm coming for you. I've got you. I'll bring you back there, and you will never escape.
"No," she whispered, her trembling increasing as tears dribbled down her cheeks, dropping onto the dusty floor. "I can't go back."
You already are. You never left.
Her phone buzzed in her back pocket and she stiffened, tears stopping in their tracks as she pulled it out, half expecting it to be some confirmation of the voice's threat. But instead, she found something a bit more kindhearted. Something from an old friend that she hadn't talked to in a long while.
Liliana - Hey, girlie! Just wanted to say I love you and I miss you. I'm here for you, no matter what's going on. If you ever want to talk, just shoot me a text. I'd love to chat with you!
The voice's recoil was almost tangible, a small whimper in her mind as it dislodged and hid itself. No... it can't be.
The faintest of smiles curved the girl's lips, her cheeks still sticky with tears and her body exhausted. "I love you too," she whispered, then reread the message.
People still care. I'm still here. I'm safe. It's okay.
***
Triggered, SkyDxddy
Estimated Time of Memory: Early Summer 2022
Genre: Rap
Potential Triggers: Cursing, Triggers, PTSD, Smoking,
Favorite Lyric: "I seal myself in a soundproof room so no one can hear how loud I scream."