The Guilted Neurodivergent

There are so many things that we feel guilty about that we shouldn't. And neurodivergents have some of the worst collection of things that we feel guilty about. Think I'm overreacting? Why don't you read to see why I say that.

Here's a list of things I've seen that people—especially neurodivergents—feel guilty about.

Taking a day off to look after yourself: Guys, how often do you actually take a day off? Honest answer. Because I know a lot of us simply just... don't do this. We have better things to do, we try to but then we feel... you guessed it, guilty. The truth is, we need these days to just rest, to revitalize, but we feel so guilty for it. Why is that? It should be seen as a good thing!

Saying "no": We all feel guilty for saying no, but one of the things a lot of neurodivergents in particular seem to do a lot is say "yes, I can do it" just because you technically can. Is it healthy for you to do it? Well, we don't see that as relevant at that moment. They asked if we can do it, not if it was healthy. The truth is, we need to say no. It's good to say no every once in a while. It helps you to take care of yourself!

Asking for Extra Support: I don't think anyone likes asking for support, but truly you guys, this one is really necessary. We can't do everything all the time. Even if it's just someone to comfort you, someone to help you talk through a problem, someone to chill with and relax, someone to encourage you, etc. We all need someone in some capacity, even you out there who claim to make it on your own. Trust me on that one. I tried making it alone, didn't end too well...

Setting Boundaries: Boundaries are a thing for a reason. When someone pushes your boundaries—or when you don't set boundaries—someone's going to get hurt. And it's quite likely that it's going to be you. Setting boundaries can hurt, it can feel like you're betraying a person, but you're protecting yourself and you're proving how strong you are. Boundaries are a positive thing. Don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise.

Being Yourself: Never—I repeat—never feel ashamed for being yourself. You are beautiful, you are strong, you are courageous, and maybe I don't know exactly who you are, but I know that you have a purpose for being. Without a purpose, why would we all be here? You were made as who you are for a reason, and your reason cannot possibly be to change yourself into someone else. If it was, why weren't you just made into that person already? Be yourself, Warriors. That's the best person you can be.

Not Replying Immediately: We are never going to be there all the time, even if we want to be. We're going to be slow to respond, miss a notification, we're going to open a message and get distracted by something and forget entirely that someone messaged you until days, weeks, or months later. That's okay. We're going to be imperfect and if your friend, if your coworker, if whoever you're talking to can't understand that, that's on them, not you. Don't feel guilty. You can try your best, but you can't do better than that.

Missing a Deadline: Whatever your reason—whether you couldn't work, you were too busy to work, you were too exhausted to work, etc.—we're all going to do this. We aren't going to be able to turn in our best work every time, we're going to get bad grades, we're going to disappoint people, we're going to slip up and do something backward, miss a deadline, or give a speech wrong. We're all going to screw up. And maybe you'll say that this one is the same as the next point, but the truth is, missing a deadline because you were trying to take care of yourself when you weren't doing well? You shouldn't feel ashamed about that. Yes, you missed a deadline. Yes, it sucks, but you took the initiative to take care of yourself, and that's more than a lot of people will do in your position. You've done amazingly, my friend. <3

Making Mistakes: My friend, you are human. I know you feel guilty for this one—we all do—but truly, you don't need to. You can amend the mistake, or at least apologize, but then you can move on. We're all going to make mistakes, some of us more than others, and that's just what makes us who we are. We aren't perfect, even though we may try to be. That's just a wonderful part of you being you!

Being Sensitive & Emotional: One thing that a lot of people have unfortunately been told is that they're too sensitive or too emotional. To be entirely honest, I don't think this exists. It's harder to retain your sensitivity, and your emotionality, when people are telling you all these things. It's easier to become cut off, shut down, stone-cold, but it's harder to be sensitive and emotional and still loving and caring. There's a difference between positive and negative emotionality and that's the most important aspect of this one.

Having High Standards: So maybe you don't tolerate things that other people tolerate. Maybe you have high standards for friendships, and for how things are done, and that's okay. Sometimes your high standards won't get met, but that doesn't mean you can't have them!

Being Honest: This one can be the hardest of them all. It's okay to be honest, even if it's a bit hurtful. Don't try to go out of your way to hurt someone, you can try to soften it a little bit, but the most important thing is to speak your mind and not soften the truth so much that it becomes a lie. You have a voice and you deserve to be heard!

Relapsing: We all have the moments when we realize: Oh no, I'm back to the beginning. But the truth is, relapsing isn't always losing everything that you've already fought so hard to get past. It's a moment to remember how far you've come and to know that you can get back to where you were again. We all relapse here and there, sometimes it's worse than others, and everyone's experience with it is different, but it's not your fault. It's not something to feel guilty over. It's okay to be a bit weaker than you used to be.

Doing Things You Enjoy (Especially When You Have a Long To-Do List): Breaks are terrifying when your tasks loom above you like a giant threat. "You must do this and this and this and this or else." Maybe the voice in your head is telling you that it's not okay to pause for a moment, to take a breath, but that voice is wrong. You need a break, you need to gather your bearings before you can fight the next battle. You need a moment to restore your energy, give your mind a rest, and lighten your spirits. If you keep at it, you're just going to drive yourself into the ground. Take care of yourself, dear Warrior!

Eating More When You Are Hungry: There's a fun fact—don't quote me on it—that says that you need more food the harder your brain is working. And it kinda makes sense. Your brain needs glucose to function, so when your brain is working really hard, it's probably using a lot of glucose, which means that your glucose levels might drop randomly and you need to go eat some food. I'm not sure if the hunger stuff lines up with that, but the point is, it's okay to eat when you're hungry. Even if it's a random time, even if you just ate, even if it's more than anyone else is eating. It's okay. Everyone's body is different and everyone needs different things. Take care of yourself, Warrior.

Not Getting Everything Done: It's hard to get everything done in general, but my friend, you're a special creation all of your own. Maybe that means some days you suffer a lot more than others, maybe you can't get everything done: that's okay. Sometimes you weren't meant to get everything done. There's a plan for everything, Warrior, and maybe today's plan wasn't to do everything your way.

Taking Things At Your Own Pace: So maybe it took you 2 hours to do this tiny project, maybe it took you a long time to finish one task and move on to the next, maybe you needed to take a ton of breaks because you were struggling, that's okay. Sometimes you need to push through it, but sometimes it's okay to just take things slow. Some days are just rough, and you need to be gentle with yourself.