Sometimes I wonder what makes a friend really a "friend," you know? Like, is there any real definition of friend? Everyone I meet seems to have their own opinion of what that looks like.
I know people who consider anyone who they talk to a decent amount their "friend." It doesn't matter whether they have any sort of meaningful conversations, just if they talk often enough, they're friends.
I've heard about those who don't ever really call people their friend, even if the person has been there for them time and time again, through thick and thin.
I feel like there's no real way to summarize what a friend is unless you have a friend. And yet, then you're also faced with the problem of... every friend is different.
Literally what do we do here?
The definitions of "friend" (as given by dictionary.com) are:
a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard
a person who gives assistance
a person who is on good terms with another
a member of the same nation, party, etc.
By these definitions... I feel almost like we've been using the definition of friend wrong. Not saying that we aren't friends, but the dictionary definition of friends is different from the emotional connection people often mean when they're describing friendship.
Being on "good terms" with someone, to me, means that they're perhaps an acquaintance. They aren't my enemy, but they aren't on my team either. Maybe they help me with something, but does that make them on my side? No. Perhaps there was an ulterior motive. Maybe they needed to do it anyway and were just being a decent human being.
I feel like some people were born with this natural gift to figure out who's a friend and who's not. If the same two people did the same two things to you or for you, would you treat them both the same in return? Maybe not. They're different people and they could've had different motives.
But then some of us weren't born with that skill or that innate knowledge and we end up trying to mimic everyone else when we go searching for friends. We're nice, we talk about our interests, we stay on topic with the conversation, but nothing ever develops past those situational relationships.
The event ends and you never see the person again, even though they don't live too far away.
I don't have a word for this, but a part of me is wondering if it's just because of how I'm wired as a person. I know I struggle with facial expressions and intonation and such. I'm working on getting better, but if it's something I haven't been taught before, I don't see it. And I've had so many people leave me despite my trying my hardest to become friends with them.
Maybe I'm trying too hard. Perhaps it was the wrong person, the wrong method, the wrong time. But I can't help but wonder...
I'm still trying. I'm scared, but I'll keep trying. One of these days it has to succeed.
(...right?)
Sources:
https://www.dictionary.com/browse/friend